Let me begin by saying that the New York Times is trash. The de facto editor is that nasty Nikole Hannah Jones, who claims her “1619 Project” is genuine history when it’s proven that it isn’t. The truth is, she is the worst kind of progressive leftist, and she hates white people, which is okay if one is on the left.
You may or may not also recall the NYT previously profiled an advocate for “voluntary human extinction” to combat “climate change.” If ever there was a media outlet that hates people, it’d be the NYT. It’s probably the only common ground I have with it.
I won’t link up either article for two reasons: One, it’s the NYT. I wouldn’t give them traffic for any reason. And two, the piece is behind a paywall. Anyone who knows how to manipulate a web page’s DOM through the developer’s console knows that paywalls are easily circumvented.
The guest essay was written by author Mara Altman (and I use that term loosely), who insists that not only do shorter people live longer, but they’re also crucial in conserving food and resources on our dying planet.
Oh, really?
First, I didn’t realize the planet was dying. I’ll need solid evidence on that one versus some short, squat leftist’s opinion. Fucking Millennials, I swear.
Quoting the article, “The short are also inherent conservationists, which is more crucial than ever in this world of eight billion. Thomas Samaras, who has been studying height for 40 years and is known in small circles as the Godfather of Shrink Think, a widely unknown philosophy that considers small superior, calculated that if we kept our proportions the same but were just 10 percent shorter in America alone, we would save 87 million tons of food per year (not to mention trillions of gallons of water, quadrillions of B.T.U.s of energy and millions of tons of trash).”
Altman continues, “Short people don’t just save resources, but as resources become scarcer because of the earth’s growing population and global warming, they may also be best suited for long-term survival (and not just because more of us will be able to jam into spaceships when we are forced off this planet we wrecked).”
This crazy little feminist then suggests that people mate with short people on purpose to produce a shorter society.
She writes, ”When you mate with shorter people, you’re potentially saving the planet by shrinking the needs of subsequent generations. Lowering the height minimum for prospective partners on your dating profile is a step toward a greener planet.”
Twitter was quick to respond to the article’s headline, heavily mocking the subject for linking height to saving the planet from “climate change.”
Babylon Bee owner Seth Dillon joked, “Someone short and single is writing op-eds for The New York Times.”
Former Washington Post reporter Christopher Ingraham suggests, “thought this was a high quality shitpost but no, it’s a real op-ed from today’s NYT.”
Former Virginia Rep. Scott Taylor tweets, “Very heightist of you, @nytimes.”
Writer Caitlin Flanagan asked, “He’s even restricted dairy from his sons’ diets and only allows them minimal sugar in an attempt to limit their growth, saving them from the ills of height.’ Anyone else think things are getting pretty weird around here?”
Journalism professor John Schwartz joked, “Sing to me, o muse: ‘short is better, and it is the future.’”
And then there’s me being me with, “On behalf of all Gen-Xers six foot two or taller: “Oh, hey! Fuck you!”
First, Mara, I use Grammarly and ProWritingAid when I write primarily because it saves time on the editing process. I recommend the same because it flagged your writing for multiple things. Just FYI on that. Second, bite my six-foot, two-inched ass! Good luck getting help with that item on the top shelf at Walmart, darlin’.
It sounds like Thomas Samaras’s conclusions are…coming up short? Better yet, let’s use the average height of NBA players as a guide. Now we’re all short. Problem solved. That also suggests doing away with the NBA is good for the planet. Follow the science, Mara.
Tall people reduce pollution and resources by massively decreasing the number of manufactured ladders. Shorter people waste more resources by keeping their houses warmer. Why? Heat rises. Taller people naturally stay warmer, thus using fewer resources to heat the home. Yet another pro for the tall. Did you consider that? I’m thinking not.
I often see short people eating five times what I eat in a single serving, although I think that’s an entirely different epidemic. Lazy generations working less and eating more. You’d be better served pursuing that, Mara.
Lastly, it’s worth noting the New York Times was previously criticized for profiling an advocate calling for “voluntary human extinction” in reaction to climate change and a growing global population.
If you’re sitting there, jaw agape, wondering what this fuckery is all about, you’re not alone.
